BY MAX HEADROOM
As one of the most tech-savvy professors on campus, Professor Jonathan Zittrain began holding classes in a chat room. While physical attendance is still requested, it is far from mandatory. Student reaction was overwhelmingly positive. “Now I don’t have to take notes,” said a jubilant 2L. Another was thrilled with the additional anonymity and confessed that she has a second screen name to ask questions that are too stupid to be associated with. It appears she is not the only one; there are an average of 145 screen names in the chat room while only 87 people are signed up for the class. Some suggested the extra names could be Professor Nesson’s class eavesdropping and making fun of it in their own room.
“This is only the first step in completely internetizing education,” promised Zittrain. “Soon I will be able to teach from anywhere I can get a decent connection going. The only obstacle is an antiquated rule that I cannot be on a different continent if I want Harvard to pay me. They will soon see the error in their ways.”
The Coalition Of Professors Against The Internet (COPATI) issued a statement denouncing the new method. “How can he not be in class?” exclaimed Professor Daniel Meltzer. “What if students are making faces at the screen? That’s disrespectful.” Zittrain IMed back, “And how do you all know they’re not making faces at you when you turn around to write on a 150 year old chalkboard? Moreover, I don’t have the luxury of backtracking on something I said, it’s all there if you scroll up. And I can teach in my pajamas. Can you?”
As expected, the Registrar’s office was immediately flooded with requests to enroll in Zittrain’s class for the next 5 years.