Lawker: Oyez, Oyez, Read All About It

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The Record
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BY LAWKER

Feldsuk Hits HLS!

HLS almost had it all…skating rink, finals massages, flat screens…but we didn’t have our own Brangelina. Until now. Rejoice, mortals: Feldsuk has arrived! Lawker caught new hire Prof. Noah Feldman at the Hark recently pushing a hip orange stroller containing, we hope, the next generation of really good-looking Supreme Court clerks and law professors. Only problem: While his wife, Prof. Jeannie Suk, is teaching Crim and Family Law this year, Feldman’s MIA on the course catalog! A little daddy day care, perhaps? We don’t mind, as long as he shows up at lots of ACS events with those blond curls and that church-n’-state expertise. For advice on being a HLS power couple, Profs. Feldman and Suk may want take a few lunches with “Minger” (Martha Minow and Joseph Singer) or “Bruceabeth” (Elizabeth Warren and Bruce Mann). Note to Dean Kagan: If you could next hire Professors Amy Poehler and Will Arnett, our power couple wish list would be complete.

The Law Review Kids Did What?

Along with thousands of nosy internet readers, Lawker was highly amused with Above the Law’s coverage of leaked emails from Gannett House this summer, showing that when they’re not cite-checking 25 hours a week or taking personal calls from the D.C. Circuit, they’re clawing each other’s eyes out and having hilarious ideological battles about how to set up email lists. Special highlight: The huge drama about Law Review sponsorship of the Dinner for Darfur fundraiser last spring – that’s right, there was scandal about whether it was appropriate to sponsor an anti-genocide event that 900 other organizations happily slapped their name on.

We also enjoyed the efforts of anonymous tipsters to get people to call President Andrew Crespo “Crespolini,” for his allegedly zealous efforts to minimize the mutiny. Lawker has a much better suggestion: the CrespoTINI. Puerto Rican rum, lime juice, curaçao, and confetti from shredded Dan Meltzer galley pages. Tastes prestigious!

Sadly, Lawker is afraid there won’t be much forthcoming drama now that the board of editors put forth a stronger, anti-leak policy and Class of 2007 left and took their nails with them. The word around Gannett from the Class of 2008 is “we love the 2Ls,” and it seem the future holds more hug fests and footnote-fixing than slapfights. A shame.

Five Most Awesome Things About Jack Goldsmith’s NYT Article

Prof. Jack Goldsmith, former head of the Office of Legal Counsel, was recently the subject of a long New York Times Mazagine article concerning his time in the OLC and his role advising the Bush Administration about executive power, torture, due process, and surveillance policies. Hey, that’s why the drama kids dubbed him “Jack Bauer Goldsmith.” Our favorite bits:

  • 1. His mom was a former Miss Teen Arkansas and his stepdad might have killed Hoffa. Or something. We’re intimidated.
  • 2. He and John Yoo used to be close friends, and now they don’t talk. That’s pretty sad, but look, even Paris and Nicole made up.
  • 3. The government has interrogation techniques called “Fear Up Harsh” and “Pride And Ego Down,” which apparently fall into the category of “scary, but not too coercive.” We don’t want to know what they call the really bad ones. And aren’t those Scientology workshop names?
  • 4. The part where he has a public conversation with FBI agents in the middle of Harvard Square. We love the mental picture – Goldsmith’s strolling with two dudes in shades, they’ve got some Lizzy’s ice cream, they’re browsing at the used bookstore cart… “The president wanted you to do what??”
  • 5. The Ashcroft Deathbed part, where Goldsmith describes the famous 2004 Hospital Standoff, in which a near-death John Ashcroft rouses himself for a dramatic two-minute speech chastising Alberto Gonzales and Andrew Card. At which point Goldsmith expects him to immediately kick the bucket. Instead, Gonzales and Card retreat and Mrs. Ashcroft sticks out her tongue at them. That is awesome.

    Hot 3L Accessory: Babies

    Designer purses and hip jewelry can only take you so far. This year, a wave of trend-conscious 3Ls are sporting pregnant bellies and pushing strollers around campus. Pia Owens, Monica Novak, and Ulcca Hansen kicked off the trend last year; Jane Manners and Alexandra O’Rourke were seen with full-term tummies right before classes started; and the Record’s own Andrea Saenz is next up to pop out some future HLS legacies

    Word is that plenty of 3L men are also expectant fathers, Abraham Wise and Nate Endrud among them. The Coop better stock up on those “I’m A Liability” baby t-shirts.