{"id":12239,"date":"2003-03-25T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2003-03-25T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/?p=12239"},"modified":"2013-04-19T00:45:13","modified_gmt":"2013-04-19T04:45:13","slug":"organization-throws-slammin-hark-party","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/","title":{"rendered":"Organization throws &#8216;slammin&#8217; Hark party<br \/>"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b> BY JONAS BLANK<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Realizing that Hark parties generally suck, the Student Activities Council decided to abandon all pretenses of decency and throw the &#8220;Guaranteed Hookups&#8221; party, which all students agree was a rousing success.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Usually when I party outside Manhattan, I&#8217;m hittin&#8217; it with my outsourced stable,&#8221; said 3L Shawn McDonald. &#8220;But I have to admit, the Guaranteed Hookups bash was on point. There were supermodels from New York and L.A.! Of course, that&#8217;s because I invited them through my &#8216;connections,&#8217; but still, it was the phattest HLS bash I&#8217;ve ever seen. And I guarantee you &#8212; I saw more ass that night than a butcher cutting rump steak!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Even students from this planet approved. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I think I hooked up with Tara Reid,&#8221; said 3L Wes Warren. &#8220;Or maybe it was that little Puerto Rican girl. I don&#8217;t know.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Asked for comment on exactly how the party was able to &#8220;guarantee&#8221; hookups, one source said ecstasy might have been provided at the door &#8220;to get these law students to relax a little.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps unsurprisingly, almost every student interviewed said the party lived up to its billing, except one: &#8220;I hit on every single girl at that party!&#8221; said 1L Ekong Udoekwere, &#8220;but, somehow, everyone noticed that my girlfriend was there!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Few questioned the obvious moral quandary posed by a party that uses large quantities of intoxicating substances to help desperate law students procure sexual favors from one another. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Umm, hello?&#8221; said 2L Dan Kozusko. &#8220;That&#8217;s why the Inn has existed for almost 100 years!&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Realizing that Hark parties generally suck, the Student Activities Council decided to abandon all pretenses of decency and throw the &#8220;Guaranteed Hookups&#8221; party, which all students agree was a rousing success. &#8220;Usually when I party outside Manhattan, I&#8217;m hittin&#8217; it with my outsourced stable,&#8221; said 3L Shawn McDonald.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":213,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-12239","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-hlsnews"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v14.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"googlebot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta name=\"bingbot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Organization throws &#039;slammin&#039; Hark party - The Harvard Law Record\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Realizing that Hark parties generally suck, the Student Activities Council decided to abandon all pretenses of decency and throw the &quot;Guaranteed Hookups&quot; party, which all students agree was a rousing success. &quot;Usually when I party outside Manhattan, I&#039;m hittin&#039; it with my outsourced stable,&quot; said 3L Shawn McDonald.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Harvard Law Record\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hlrecord.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2003-03-25T00:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-04-19T04:45:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@hlrecord\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@hlrecord\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Harvard Law Record\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hlrecord.org\/\",\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hlrecord\"],\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#logo\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/hlrecord-logo.png\",\"width\":1008,\"height\":111,\"caption\":\"Harvard Law Record\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#logo\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/\",\"name\":\"The Harvard Law Record\",\"description\":\"Independent at Harvard Law School Since 1946\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/?s={search_term_string}\",\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/\",\"name\":\"Organization throws 'slammin' Hark party - The Harvard Law Record\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2003-03-25T00:00:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-04-19T04:45:13+00:00\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/hlrecord.org\/organization-throws-slammin-hark-party\/#webpage\"},\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hlrecord.org\/#\/schema\/person\/410372f8f251a99c523a64e4f82c96b1\"},\"headline\":\"Organization throws &#8216;slammin&#8217; 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