Snappy One-liner, a Colon, and an Explanation: Understanding the Structural Uniformity of Secondary Sources

Editor’s note: Always looking to expand into new fields, the Record has created a new journal, the Journal of Legal Puffery. Have an article you want published? Is JOLT not returning your calls? Send it to us! We publish once a year on the first day of April.

1 J. Leg. Puffery 108a

“This is a quote about how important justice is in the world, particularly as it relates to whichever tiny subsection of American law I am writing about. There is a solid chance I made it up solely for the purpose of making my journal article look more important.”

 – Unknown

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Harvard Rabbits Tired of Paparazzi On Campus

CAMBRIDGE, MA – The Easter Bunny came to Harvard Law School to check in on the rabbits living there, and they had a lot to say about their lives on campus.

“Have the Harvard students been good this year?” he asked.

“I don’t know why you bother,” said Reuben McTickles, a plump brown cottontail who lives near Langdell. “Most of them aren’t even Christian, let alone regular churchgoers.”

“Fair enough,” said the Easter Bunny. “How’s life around here?”

“It’s horrifying. The neighborhood has really gone to the dogs,” said Sally O’Fluffkins, a little bunny who lives behind a bush near Griswold. “And I don’t just mean that labrador I see walking around all the time.”

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Proud HLS Grandma Slowly Begins to Drive Away Friends Through Incessant Harvard Name-Dropping

Cocoa Beach, FL—What began as harmless dropping of the “H bomb” in casual conversation has turned into a friendship-destroying obsession for Edith Untermyer, a proud grandma of an HLS student who would rather not be named “because I’m already getting more free press than I want in the retirement community of Cocoa Beach; I don’t need to start making enemies at school too.”

Untermyer—whose previous great point of pride in life was the fact that her cat, Crumpet, had lived to be twenty-four before dying of a cheese overdoes and moving into a proud, taxidermic retirement on the mantle—was “over the moon” when her grandson decided to accept his offer to Harvard Law School.

“He did undergrad at Cornell, which was cool and all I guess, but a lot of my gal pals weren’t too impressed by that” said Untermyer, who was sporting a “Proud Harvard Law Grandma” shirt at the time of the interview. “But Harvard—now there’s a name that’ll get people talking during the commercial breaks on Wheel of Fortune!”

Reliable sources confirm that Untermyer began with more modest tactics, subtly throwing into conversation things like, “Well, my grandson is at a law school up in the Boston area. He loves it. From what I hear he’s just painting the town red, or should I say crimson.”

But when these tactics ceased to disrupt games of bridge or backgammon, Untermyer was forced to up her game. Her new measures included obtaining a custom made “Welcome to our Harvard Law Home” welcome mat from Etsy and stories about her grandson’s encounters at the law school with individuals such as Louise Slaughter, Marco Rubio, Hillary Clinton, the Queen of England, Wesley Snipes, Chuck Norris, and Shakira.

(As of now, we have been unable to confirm that Untermyer’s grandson has had encounters with any of these persons at the law school.)