Cocoa Beach, FL—What began as harmless dropping of the “H bomb” in casual conversation has turned into a friendship-destroying obsession for Edith Untermyer, a proud grandma of an HLS student who would rather not be named “because I’m already getting more free press than I want in the retirement community of Cocoa Beach; I don’t need to start making enemies at school too.”
Untermyer—whose previous great point of pride in life was the fact that her cat, Crumpet, had lived to be twenty-four before dying of a cheese overdoes and moving into a proud, taxidermic retirement on the mantle—was “over the moon” when her grandson decided to accept his offer to Harvard Law School.
“He did undergrad at Cornell, which was cool and all I guess, but a lot of my gal pals weren’t too impressed by that” said Untermyer, who was sporting a “Proud Harvard Law Grandma” shirt at the time of the interview. “But Harvard—now there’s a name that’ll get people talking during the commercial breaks on Wheel of Fortune!”
Reliable sources confirm that Untermyer began with more modest tactics, subtly throwing into conversation things like, “Well, my grandson is at a law school up in the Boston area. He loves it. From what I hear he’s just painting the town red, or should I say crimson.”
But when these tactics ceased to disrupt games of bridge or backgammon, Untermyer was forced to up her game. Her new measures included obtaining a custom made “Welcome to our Harvard Law Home” welcome mat from Etsy and stories about her grandson’s encounters at the law school with individuals such as Louise Slaughter, Marco Rubio, Hillary Clinton, the Queen of England, Wesley Snipes, Chuck Norris, and Shakira.
(As of now, we have been unable to confirm that Untermyer’s grandson has had encounters with any of these persons at the law school.)