Harvard Rabbits Tired of Paparazzi On Campus

CAMBRIDGE, MA – The Easter Bunny came to Harvard Law School to check in on the rabbits living there, and they had a lot to say about their lives on campus.

“Have the Harvard students been good this year?” he asked.

“I don’t know why you bother,” said Reuben McTickles, a plump brown cottontail who lives near Langdell. “Most of them aren’t even Christian, let alone regular churchgoers.”

“Fair enough,” said the Easter Bunny. “How’s life around here?”

“It’s horrifying. The neighborhood has really gone to the dogs,” said Sally O’Fluffkins, a little bunny who lives behind a bush near Griswold. “And I don’t just mean that labrador I see walking around all the time.”

“So what’s the problem?” asked the Easter Bunny. All of the bunnies were quiet for a good beat.

“There are just too many whi…” exclaimed Timmy Nibbleson, a tiny baby bunny so small his ears still flop. His mother, Nettie Nibbleson, hushed him, so he kept shouting, “Paparazzi. They are soooo scary. Whenever they see rabbits, they… run up to us and pull out these rectangles and aim them at us!!!!!”

“Honestly… Timmy is right. Their phones they use to take pictures of us scare me so much, I cross the street to avoid them,” said McTickles.

“Yeah, we do this at great risk to our personal safety. The traffic here is insane and stops for nothing, not even large humans,” said O’Fluffkins with a shudder. “Who knows WHAT they are doing with those pictures, you know what I mean? It’s such an invasion of privacy.”

“Why can’t they just take pictures of the squirrels? They aren’t scared of nothin’!” cried little Timmy.

“Hmph,” said the Easter Bunny. “I don’t like this at all. We have fragile hearts and get scared so easily! Who are the worst offenders?”

“Definitely that wacky woman with the frizzy blonde hair who giggles and squeals every time she sees us,” said McTickles.

“Yep. Hate ‘er,” said O’Fluffkins.

As of this writing, the Easter Bunny was grunting and stamping his foot as he left for Yale.

Kate Thoreson is a 2L. She is the editor-in-chief of The Harvard Law Record.

Comments