A Real Republican

I could talk about a lot of (very hilarious) things this week, such as Newt Gingrich’s multiple marriages/affairs/increasingly scary wives, or Mitt Romney’s complete and total awkwardness, or Rick Santorum’s weird, chubby-faced bigotry. Ron Paul is—much like his ideas and, one would imagine, his libido—a non-starter. But, like a true Republican, I’m going to spend this time complaining.

Much like Jeb Bush, I am not pleased with the current political landscape. It seems like ours is the lost generation in the GOP. You know, I bet you’re a Republican. You just don’t know you are, because of the shoddy representation Republicans have. But let me set the record straight. (Republicans like straight.) There are Republicans out there who are not Tea Partiers, nor End-the-Fed libertarians, nor born-again funeral protesters, nor moose-killing Palinites. That’s right, you know where I’m going with this. Jon Huntsman.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY? How does someone as sensible, as intelligent, as knowledgeable, as conservative as Huntsman not get more votes? I mean, he even looks presidential. And he stands for everything that a realistic and rational Republican wants. (Seriously, by the end of this column, I will have inserted a tiny brain worm that makes you wonder if you might really be a Republican. Don’t panic.)

Here’s the rundown:

—He accepts science. Unlike the rest of the ostriches in the Republican Party, Huntsman recognized climate change (remember his Tweet to Perry?), evolution, and international finance. Admittedly, he does think that some dude dug up some gold tablets in the middle of New York in the 19th Century, but you can’t win them all.

—He’s not angry. He’s… civil. I honestly think that this is the biggest reason that Huntsman didn’t get more attention. In a world of Rush Limbaughs and Bill O’Reillys, I’m not sure the Republican party is ready for someone who isn’t full of rage. But, like most wannabe-punk 15-year-olds, the GOP will probably let go of this anger when it matures a bit. On the other hand, the GOP could be more like an angry old person, in which case we will have no respite until its “Help I’ve fallen down and can’t get up” death.

—He has values, but not the shove-down-your-throat and up-your-uterus kind.  Okay, that last bit isn’t true. Huntsman actually has one of the “best” abortion records. But here’s what I like about him: he knows that now is not the time for those shenanigans in the federal government. He also knows that being against gay rights and pissing off Dan Savage is to be on the wrong side of history. Also, since we’re talking about values, Huntsman (at least to my knowledge) does not have the Republican penchant of preaching family values during the day and then banging his mistress (or getting a blowie from an undercover male cop in a public bathroom). I know that Republicans gleefully saw Anthony Weiner crash and burn, but come on, Weiner has nothing on Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, or Arnie.

—He’s not fucking crazy.

So, fellow voters, keep that in mind in 2016.

Lisa Wang is a 2L. Her column runs every other Wednesday, and she will also be providing commentary on the Republican primary debates.

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