Together Girl: Spamalot

BY

Yo HLS:

Come on, peeps, I need some questions! My inbox was spamalicious this week, and I’m eager to give some real advice. I know some of you have some life questions after that Tacky Prom. We really achieved the height of tackiness that night! Can’t wait for next year…

Adalbert Knopf to me
Want your meat tool to cheat gravitation and get up for hours? It is easy with our help!

Greetings Adalbert,
I don’t personally need this right now, but I’m going to pass this valuable info to all of HLS. Not because they need your product-but because they may want to join your business! Anybody’s start date delayed? Need some extra cash while you’re studying for the bar? Let me know, and I’ll pass your email address along to Adalbert.
-Together Girl

Bernard North to me
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY/YOUR ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED
I am an investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich at their offshore department Zurich Switzerland. I will be happy to work this deal out with you if you have a Bank Account and if you are capable to keep TOP SECRET. I need strong Assurance that you will never let me down. During one of our periodic auditing I discovered a dormant accounts with holding balance of US$ 232,000.000.00.

It has happened in the past, that customers pass away and their heirs can neither prove the death, nor their heirship. This was a frequent occurrence during the wartime periods, and the banks have now set up a simple, rapid resolution procedure. Dormant assets are defined as any assets deposited with a bank for which there has been no contact with the customer in the bank’s files for the last ten years or more. If you know that you are capable to handle large or small amount on trust and can keep secret and ready to take 40% of any amount I transfer to your account from the dormant account and I will take 60%, send your account information’s by return mail. Tell me more about yourself, while I look forward to receive the above information. Please you can write me to my most private email address (westbernard09999999@gmail.com)

I want to re-assure you that this business is risk free and you can send an empty account to receive the funds, provided that the account is capable to receive incoming funds. Thank you for your time and attention.

Warmest regards,Mr.Bernard North

Dearest Bernie,
I am honored to receive this most valuable communications. Your logic and Grammars are flawless, and I am delighted to help you resolve this pressing problem in a TOP SECRET way. I would like to accept, however instead of using my most private Bank Account, I would like to donate the proceeds of this dormant accounts to the Harvard Endowment, which is sorely hurting due to the economy. I assume you are familiar with the American economic trouble from your superior perch in Europe? I would also like to negotiate the terms of our transaction. I believe that in the interest of charity, you should accept 13% and I will forward 87% to Harvard. In light of the fact that you are accepting a lower commission, I will graciously handle the details of the transaction on my end. Please send a check made out to Cash, to Together Girl c/o the Harvard Law Record, Cambridge, MA 02138.
I await your response.
TG

WORLD CUP 2010 FREE LOTTERY, HEADQUARTER, UNITED KINGDOM.
=====================
Dear Lucky Winner,
We are pleased to announce your email address as one of the 200 lucky winners in the Free Lotto draw held on the 21th April 2009. All 200 winning addresses were randomly selected from a batch of 100,000,000 {ONE HUNDRED MILLION} international emails addresses.

Consequently, you have therefore been approved for a total payout of GBP ?900,000 (NINE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS) only. Your email address emerged along side with 199 others as a category of winner in this year’s Annual Draw.

And is also organized to encourage the use of internet and computers. We are proud to say that over GBP ?25 Million Pounds are won annually in more than 150 countries world-wide. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential until you claim your prize money.

This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned. NAME; MR. ABRAHAM BROWN.
Sincerely,
Mrs.Ethel Smith Promotions Manager,Congratulations once again.

Dear Mrs. Smith/Mr. Brown:

It seems there are some new trends across the pond that I’m not aware of. Finally! Britain uses the Internet and computers!

It doesn’t seem as though you really need any advice, besides the information you requested-my bank account number, credit card information, Social Security number, mother’s maiden name, and date of birth. But I can’t help noticing that it seems you are having an identity crisis. Are you Mrs. Smith, or Mr. Brown? Should I ask you again later?

**Any spam email received by Together Girl has been edited for clarity and content. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the real spammers, and email addresses and incriminating website URLs have been removed. Together Girl, the Harvard Law Record, and Harvard Law School have not participated in any spamming campaign and are not responsible for clogged inboxes.

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