The Record: We will spend more time stalking Feldsuk, in the manner of proper celebrity journalists.
HLS Administrators: We will stop extolling the virtues of the Northwest Corner project to students who will never be around to benefit from it, but who will be hit up for donations to pay for maintenance of the building for the rest of their lives. However, we will continue to provide snacks.
1L: I will not feel the need to tell people about my multi-color highlighting strategy for cases unless they explicitly and uncoercedly tell me that they want to know.
2L: I will stop encouraging College students to go use the MAC, and will try to appreciate that the Hemenway Gym is not only for law students.
3L: I will make an honest effort not to complain about how burdensome the new reduced 3L paper requirement is (unless writing one of the seminar response papers I need to fulfill it makes me miss American Gladiators).
Ice Skating Rink: I will work hard to stay frozen and I will not feel ashamed of using “technological aids” to accomplish this feat.
Record Reader: I will check the date of articles before I write irate letters to the editor about them. If they are from the April Fools issue, I will think very carefully about whether the article in question may, in fact, not be entirely serious.