The Light Bright with the Blonde Weave Might Be Right

BY BRANDO STARKEY

Some women dream about their wedding day. Walking down the aisle, the flowers, the drunk uncles – they love it all. Guys are much more ambivalent, but for many of us, there will be some cunning girl that will come along and rope us in and kill our dreams. In short, they will convince us to marry them.

Actually, many men want to get married and commonly find their mates while in school. While pursuing a degree, you have free time and come in contact with similarly situated people who may or may not be attractive. And, since we’re talking about Harvard, it’s much closer to the latter. Have you walked around Harvard Square? Not cute.

Presumably, the women of HLS are getting ready to enter into time consuming professions where the only thing more limited than their free time is the pool of eligible bachelors with which they will come in contact. Assuming they want a nice, educated gentleman with all his teeth and no record, the pickins are fixin’ to get mighty slim.

Some women are thinking, “I’ll hold out for Mr. Right – my dream guy.” But the truth is that there always seems to be more dateable women than men. Perhaps this is because women are starting to outpace men in terms of educational achievement. Or those educated men that look good on paper don’t have that combination of swagger and style that women typically find alluring. Whatever one should attribute to the gender imbalance in the dating pool, it is definitely real. And for women, it definitely sucks.

I say find a fixer upper and work with him. That’s right ladies – take Beyoncé’s advice and upgrade him. And since you have the time now, which you might not have later, I say do it soon. Hurry up before it’s too late! Or do you want to be a cat lady?

I know women see guys that, if they were to change a couple of things (actually like five, but nobody’s perfect), they would be ideal. Take the black guy walking around in flip-flops despite the cold weather. It’s November and this brotha’ has on some Skechers sandals. That’s not a good look. In fact, of all the possible looks, it’s likely the worst. Introduce him to some new things. Get that fool some socks and a pair shoes, and you’re working with something. You might even let him touch you.

Or consider the kid with the blonde bowl cut that looks like he still goes to Supercuts. Again, it’s another awful look, but not one without remedy. And while you’re at it, getting him some pants that actually fit would be a good thing too. The button down shirt with the Wranglers isn’t cutting it.

I know there are some ladies out there that are completely disregarding my advice. They believe Mr. Right will come along someday. That’s fine. Here’s some inside info: He hangs out with Santa Claus. Maybe you’ll get lucky and St. Nick will come down your chimney bearing a man for you this Christmas.

For all those other women who haven’t bought into the dream man fantasy, start switching those neckties to Purple Labels. Upgrade him!

Brando Simeo Starkey is a 3L. Hurry ladies, your time’s almost up!

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