Save Toby

BY DK

A friend of mine was kind enough to show me what may just be the most creative and wonderful use of bandwidth that I have seen in the past few months. This little work of genius is the site known as www.savetoby.com.

Visitors to the site are greeted by a heartwarming picture of a bunny rabbit, the Toby after whom the site is named. The tale of Toby’s condition begins right there on the first page. “Welcome,” the site reads. “Toby is the cutest little bunny on the planet.

Unfortunately, he will DIE on June 30th, 2005 if you don’t help. I rescued him several months ago. I found him under my porch, soaking wet, injured from what appeared to be an attack from an alley cat. I took him in, thinking he had no chance to live from his injuries, but miraculously, he recovered. I have since spent several months nursing him to health. Toby is a fighter, that’s for sure.” The site is full of wonderful pictures of Toby in all sorts of cute poses, as well as a movie that you can watch of Toby running around and doing some cute jumps.

Before you jump to the conclusion that I am getting soft, and that’s why I have decided to bring your attention to this site, you should read the next paragraph. “Unfortunately, on June 30th, 2005, Toby will die. I am going to eat him. I am going to take Toby to a butcher to have him slaughter this cute bunny. I will then prepare Toby for a midsummer feast. I have several recipes under consideration, which can be seen, with some pretty graphic images, under the recipe section. I don’t want to eat Toby, he is my friend, and he has always been the most loving, adorable pet. However, God as my witness, I will devour this little guy unless I receive 50,000$ USD into my account from donations or purchase of merchandise. You can help this poor, helpless bunny’s cause by making donations through my verified PayPal account by clicking on any of the Donate buttons on this site, or by purchasing merchandise at the Savetoby.com online store.”

Now, you may be wondering why I am pointing this site out as being worthy of praise. Although I do think that this person is a genius, and for that alone he/she deserves an award for devious evil plotting, there is something that in my mind is way worse going on her. The true horror about this situation is that people are actually giving him money.

I may not be a person who is overflowing with positive perceptions of the state of humanity. However, even I was shocked that people are stupid enough to give money to save a rabbit. Even if you would like to donate money to animal-related causes, I would imagine that there are many better and more effective ways to use $50,000 (as a whole that is the amount that will presumably be donated – he claims to be close to $20,000 at this moment) that to save one measly rabbit. Don’t get me wrong; in my humble personal opinion the best animal-related use of $50,000 is to purchase cases of high quality steaks from the butcher. However, even if you are from the odd segment of humanity that believes in squandering resources on animal rescue there must be better ways to do it than to waste $50,000 on one rabbit. After all, a quick trip the pet shop with that amount of money can get you caseloads of them for you to release in the wild to your heart’s content.

Here is where the true beauty of the site exists. It is a wonderful tool for weeding out the segments of humanity that are not intelligent enough to have control over their money, and relocate those precious monetary resources to the hands of those who appear to be better able to manage it. After all, the sucker is never as smart as the one doing the suckering. In that sense, these types of seemingly evil scams may actually serve a positive purpose in our economy. Think of it as a welfare system for the more intelligent portions of the population, funded by a tax on the stupid. When put in those terms, I doubt that many of us will object to this website. Sometimes social redistribution requires extreme measures, but if we were all back behind the “veil of ignorance” I would imagine that we would all want this to be the result. So click away, and be part of the greatest movement in the history of modern society. Have fun!

If you don’t pay him $50,000, DK will eat his children for dinner.

Comments