BY MIKE SUGAR
Right before spring break the Dean called Kermit into her office and told Kermit that as Assistant Dean he had to make HLS the most happening school in the nation. So over Spring Break Kermit put on his driving scarf and set out on a cross-country odyssey to find out how to put HLS on top of the Playboy list. He visited many schools that know how to party and a few that were lacking.
After completing his tour Kermit quickly instituted a 10 point plan that put HLS on top of the Top 10 list in the magazine’s April 1, 2007 issue.
10. Replaced complimentary coffee with complimentary hard liquor. Is there any better way to start off the day than with a Bloody Mary?9. Hired Hugh Hefner as a tenured professor in the law of Mixology. 8. Required professors to have one class per week at a local bar. 7. Required professors to keep a keg outside their office to provide quick access to alcohol when students stopped by for office hours. 6. Made HL Central into a school department.5. Changed the grading scale from letter grades to shelf designations, bottom shelf, middle shelf and top shelf.4. Cancelled Sodexho’s contract for the Hark Pub and turned it into Coyote Ugly HLS.3. Provided school funding for all spring break trips to Florida, Puerto Rico or any Caribbean nation. 2. Required drink minimums for students attending class. 1. Cancelled all Friday classes.