I hate romantic comedies

BY DK

If there was one thing I could do to help ensure that I leave the world a better place than I found it, I would ban all romantic comedies and romance novels. These horrific depictions of immature relationships and poor decision-making skills help to glorify all the behavior patterns that are helping run this country into the ground. By teaching people all the wrong lessons about life, love, and happiness, these trashy stories help ensure that none of us will ever be able to achieve satisfaction in a relationship and in life in general. Pornographic films depict healthier human relationships than most romantic comedies.

In case you are thinking that maybe I am being a little too harsh in condemning what may appear to be just harmless entertainment, let me explain what I am talking about in a little more detail. Let us look first at the romance novel. In order for a romance novel to have any appeal, there seems to be only one story line it is allowed to follow. There is a man, usually with some sort of dumb-sounding exotic name. The man has a perfect body and a lot of money. The woman is also beautiful, but she doesn’t think so. The two of them meet. They hate each other. Events outside their control force them to be together. They fall in love. It turns out that the only reason they hated each other was because the attraction between them was so strong that they had to fight it! Then the two main characters have mind-blowing sexual intercourse, with liberal use of the words “heat,” “womanhood,” “quiver,” and “curves.” The woman now realizes she is beautiful. The passion between them makes their lives perfect. The end.

If there is anyone alive who thinks that this chain of events represents the ideal relationship, please find a really tall bridge and jump. These stories are quite harmful because they reinforce all sorts of negative ideas about the formation of relationships, and the role passion plays in a relationship. Good sex is not enough to make someone your soul mate. In fact, the better the sex, the more careful you have to be that your vision isn’t being clouded by that. In that sense, overwhelming passion makes a relationship more difficult to deal with, not easier. In addition, teaching people that the sign of love is butterflies in your stomach and some sort of crushing attraction that can’t be fought is cultural suicide.

Romantic Comedies usually have a different set of evil ideals. They tend to show human beings engaged in extremely flighty and ridiculous decision making. The rewards in those films go the woman who does everything wrong, makes the worst decisions, and picks the worst guy. This of course is just what we want to be teaching people. Don’t go for the guy that actually might have something in common with you and might like you. After all, he is nice and has a good job. So you can’t be in love with him. Love is reserved for assholes who fail at everything in life. Their poor choices are rewarded by the hot woman making the poor choice of paying them any attention. The woman’s poor choices are rewarded with happiness. Everyone goes home happy except the viewer who wishes he could get his/her ten dollars and two hours back.

These stories are full of the warm and fuzzy concepts such as “fate” and “destiny.” However, these concepts are very harmful when applied to real life. People should be instructed to make wise and thoughtful choices, not to wait around for their “soul mate” to drift down out of the sky when “fate” intervenes.

Relationships are great. Love is great. But all of that is the product of hard work and realistic expectations. Good choices and proper decision-making is what will pay off. Not immature and childish antics. If you hate someone, it is not because the attraction is too strong. It’s probably because he is a jerk.

DK is a 1L. Don’t invite him to the movies.

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