Angry Students Stage Bluebook Burning

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A group of eight Harvard Law School 1Ls were arrested outside Gannett House this morning after staging a mass Bluebook burning. The eight remain in jail tonight, and there is no word yet on when they might be released.

Sources close to the students say the impromptu protest began the night before 1L Ames briefs were due. 1L Jim Johnson was attempting to figure out the proper citation in Massachusetts state court for a government report co-authored by three different agencies and posted on the Internet as an MS Word document.

When not a single one of his Hastings floor mates proved able to assist him, Johnson walked the short distance to Gannett House where he began throwing stones at the windows and shouting “Come out, you [expletive], and Bluebook this [expletive] [expletive].”

Being only 3:30am, Gannett House was, of course, fully staffed, and members of the Harvard Law Review were forced to take shelter under desks as one window after another was shattered by the rocks.

Within five minutes, gathering 1Ls had scaled the chain-link fence that inexplicably encircles the tree near Austin Hall, and had cut off enough of its branches to create a sizeable bonfire outside the Law Review Offices.

“Some books are just too dangerous for people to be exposed to,” said 1L Kelly Simpson, as she heaped Bluebooks onto the flame. “I mean, think of the children.”

“I don’t regret any of it,” Simpson said today from the county jail, “but as a Harvard law student what are my options? Can’t I call Alan Dershowitz or something?”

Many HLS student leaders loudly denounced the Bluebook burning. “There is no evil contained within these pages that is greater than the evil contained in their destruction,” said the president of the Federalist Society. “Although, the new rule on international working group papers is pretty evil. I guess we might support a ‘selective page burning.’ We’ll have to get back to you on that.”

Representatives of the Law Review reported that they would get back to work soon in their super secret lair/auxiliary offices. The next issue of the Law Review, they stated, would certainly not be delayed, and, more importantly, the newest edition of the Bluebook would include a definitive rule on citing notes wrapped around rocks thrown through windows in the dead of night.

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