President Kagan?


If recent news reports are to be believed, Dean Kagan is on the short list of candidates to become the next president of Harvard University. This is the second time rumors are swirling that our dean may be whisked away to some loftier post.

First there were rumblings all the way back in 2004 that if Kerry won the election, there might be a Justice Kagan on the bench once a vacancy opened up. As most of us know, Kerry didn’t win and instead we have Justice Roberts and Justice Alito. We think Dean Kagan came out ahead. Sure, Supreme Court Justice may be a nice job, but don’t they get bored of wearing those robes to work every day? Suits are way better. Especially when you have a closet full of black turtlenecks and sensible blazers in every color of the rainbow, like our illustrious dean does.

Now we hear that the University may be after Dean Kagan’s leadership skills and overall awesomeness. We cannot blame the University for trying to get the best man or woman for the job. When the current 3Ls were wide-eyed 1Ls, all they heard from the older kids was how great the school was under Dean Kagan’s rule. She even paid attention to student concerns!

But don’t worry just yet, there are more names on the University’s short list. According to the Boston Globe, other candidates include Harvard University provost Steven Hyman, Radcliffe dean Drew Gilpin Faust, and Nobel Prize recipient Thomas Cech. All, of course are highly qualified for the job. The number of Harvard insiders makes it seem that the University wants to hire from within, which would put Cech out of luck and leave him stranded in his current post managing billions of research dollars at the Howard Hughes Research Institute. Working against Hyman and Cech is the fact that they are male. To drive the final nail into Larry’s coffin, the University is probably itching to hire a female president, to prove once and for all that girls are not born inferior to boys. (That only becomes the case after years of being told by society what they can and cannot do.)

It appears the undergraduate body itself has set its sights a bit to the north of their campus. The Crimson’s poll this week asks readers who they want to see in the role of president. As of 1:00pm on January 16, Kagan had more than 40% of the votes. In response, The Record will be running a competing poll on the presidency. Please stop by our website to vote. Battles of non-scientific polls are always fun.

And so it seems our dean may be in danger of being selected to be president. Years ago, when Rudy Giuliani ran for Congress against Hillary Clinton, the “Don’t let Rudy go” campaign emerged in New York. Basically, New Yorkers voted against Giulani’s congressional bid in order to keep him as mayor. Perhaps the law school can start one for Dean Kagan. After all, where would we be without morning coffee and the ice skating rink? Perhaps we can be convinced otherwise if President Kagan promises an even larger skating rink at the foot of John Harvard’s statue (with cooling elements and hot cider). And that rink better be large enough for us not to notice all the undergrads. As a matter of fact, it should have a separate section for law students with our own Zamboni.

Don’t think we don’t want to be helpful or that we simply seek to block the best candidate from getting the job. Not at all. In order to keep Dean Kagan, we propose a multi-player trade. Hyman becomes the president, Cech takes over as provost, and the HLS Registrar gets the Nobel Prize. Or does Cech take that with him even if he becomes provost? In any case, we’ll gladly sacrifice the registrar to fill a vacuum of power somewhere. We’d even consider Dean Cosgrove to take over as provost, but we hear she hasn’t waived her no-trade clause.

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