BY KATIE MAPES
World of Law: LawSponsored by the Office of Career Services, OPIA, Office of Pro Bono and Clinical Programs.Last week, at our popular World of Law: Corporate Law panel, we explored the legal jobs that 90% of you are going to take regardless of anything said at a World of Law panel. This week, in the 807th installment in our panel series, we explore jobs in the legal field – the jobs you’ll be taking when your last dreams of a career as a writer, publisher, sports agent, CIA operative, or CNN on-air correspondent die a painful, tortured death. There are several exciting panelists. Lilah Morgan, partner at the Los Angeles branch of Wolfram & Hart, LLP will tell you about her firm’s exciting underworld-based practice. Assistant United States Attorney Steve Boyles will discuss the benefits of his federal government ID card and security clearance. Harvard’s own Professor Smith will give us a window into jobs for people smarter than you, and Judge Brookes of the Seventh Circuit will have a private conference to discuss political appointments with any members of the Federalist Society in attendance.
How to Dress in Warm(ish) ClimatesSponsored by the Dean of Students Office.Are you a Boston native applying to firms in California? Or perhaps a native Greenlander adjusting to the balmy Massachusetts climate? Whatever your warm weather needs, this panel will provide informative tips on stripping down from people who have been there. Learn how to layer for air conditioning, where to go for the most stylish bathing suits, and when to trade your sealskin parka for a mere wool coat. A representative from Career Services will discuss precisely how much skin it is acceptable to show at the office and explain whether that amount increases proportionally with the temperature.
Fiddling While Rome Burns: Self-Congratulatory Wine and Cheese Party, 1L Cup and Mass Grave SimulationSponsored by HLS Advocates, the Harvard Federalist Society, and HL Central.While in the past the HLS Advocates and the Harvard Federalist Society have gone to a lot of trouble to sabotage each other’s events and/or avoid that sabotage, an innovative new kind of programming has eliminated the need for ushering lecturers in by secret back doors or hastily throwing together a protest in response. Now, the two groups have joined forces to save everyone a bit of trouble, and they’ve tapped in to HL Central’s unlimited budget and nauseatingly boundless enthusiasm in the process. At the Hark Pub, join the Federalist Society in sampling a new type of perfectly aged brie; outside, cheer on the Advocates as they take turns stacking each other up and burying themselves in the beach volleyball court. The 1L section with the hardest-to-find corpses wins Sodexho wine and black hoods for everyone! Several weeks of dueling op-eds in The Record to follow.
The Southeast Corner Renovation ProjectSponsored by the Office of Facilities Management.Do you care about the next generation of law students? Come on, even a little? Well, you should. Because the class of 2178 will be the first to experience the new Super Student Center, a student union that expands over all the territory currently known as “Harvard Law School.” Come learn about the luscious accommodations you would have enjoyed had your parents had the foresight to freeze your embryo for defrosting a century and a half hence, and about how your poorly-chosen birth date will inconvenience you starting next week. Also, enjoy some cream cheese brownies (although they’re nothing compared to the brownies the class of 2178 will dine on, let me tell you).
Selected News Clips
The New York TimesCookie Controversy Rocks America.While the chocolate chip cookie debate continues to rage, Harvard Law School professor and renowned criminal defense lawyer Alan Dershowitz favors the Nestle Tollhouse back-of-the-bag chocolate chip cookie recipe, he announced today. “The recipe creates a soft, pliable cookie that lacks the unpleasant chewiness of other versions,” he stated when asked for comment. “Technically, this has very little to do with Mr. Dershowitz’s area of expertise,” noted one commenter, “but ever since he weighed in on the baked-versus-stove-top-macaroni-and-cheese debate last month, I’ve trusted his opinion on such matters.”
The Harvard CrimsonSearch for University President Stymied by Strange Surveys.The Harvard University President Search Committee tabulated the results of their university-wide student survey this week and was baffled by the results. “We have this strange cluster of responses,” commented one committee member speaking on condition of anonymity, “which rate law school dean Elena Kagan high in every category, but then state that she should, under no conditions, be considered for the position of university president. We just don’t understand it.”Over at the law school, response to the survey results was mixed. “I really, you know, want Dean Kagan to succeed,” said one 2L, “but, umm, I like free coffee more. You’re not going to take away my free coffee, are you?” He then scurried away, clutching a stainless steel Westlaw mug to his chest.
Katie Mapes, 2L, is poised to start an exciting career as the representative of all that dwells beneath at Wolfram & Hart, LLP, and thus feels no need to thank Kim Everitt for her help with this column.