BY Q. PID
The only thing bigger than the earning power of two future big-firm lawyers is their ego, which leads to problems in finding a life partner (no we’re not talking about your employer). Being in the top tax bracket also leads to suspicions that the hot blonde who is all over you will slip arsenic into your Dom Perignon the minute after you say “I do.”
Fear no more, The Record is here to help. We are introducing a personals section exclusively for lawyers (perhaps to be expanded to include business students looking for lawyer loves). Whether you are a 3L hunting for innocent 1Ls, a 2L with a crush on your former section mate, want to work in public service and need a sugar daddy, or just want to meet an LLM, The Record is here to help. We will also cater to current associates and partners at Vault 100 firms and match them up with aspiring students. Consider this a career advancement tool if you play your cards right. Disclaimer: The Record takes absolutely no responsibility if things go awry in that area.
Once the personals section is up and running, there will be a whole new meaning to the term “call back.” Instead of fretting which suit to wear, you will be deciding whether to have a Ropes Gray partner wine and dine you at Top of the Hub or be whisked off to Paris by a hottie from Cravath (assuming the hottie can break the chains binding her to her desk).
The Record does issue a warning – this will make it a lot easier for Lawker to keep track of your personal life. But a little humiliation is nothing compared to the benefits of bagging a mate with comparable earning potential.