Students Unsure What Size Flush to Use for Diarrhea

BY MISTER HANKEY

Students using the new dual flush toilets in the Hark bathrooms report confusion surrounding what size flush is appropriate the morning after eating Mexican food. The detailed directions are somewhat confusing due to the requirements listed for the different flushes. A small flush is listed as the appropriate one for “#1” and the large flush for “#2,” leading students to conclude that the larger flush is necessary for watery and loose stools. However, the definitions given on the sheet muddle up the matter. #1 is defined as “liquid waste”, and #2 as “solid waste.” Students generally applauded the law school’s effort to be more environmentally friendly, but expressed dissatisfaction that the changeover created more stress and anxiety over how to apply the regulations in a case of uncertainty. “This situation was not covered in Getting to Maybe, or Scott Turow’s 1L,” said a distressed student as he exited the Hark restroom.

“There is a real question here of how to draw the line when it comes to the product of an upset stomach,” said 3L Mitch Webber, “I think that Dean Cosgrove, or someone from her office, needs to step in and clarify the situation for the students.”

Dean Cosgrove’s office was unavailable for comment.

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