Dean Kagan, we love what you have done for the law school. We appreciate the stay of execution for our beloved volleyball courts, at the expense of a well-sodden lawn in time for commencement (who looks at the grass during commencement anyways?). However, one of The Record’s spies has gotten wind of your decision to discontinue the noble tradition of the winter ice skating rink next year. This is shocking and disappointing.
Yes, The Record admits that some of our writers (we won’t name names, but his initials are KC) may have provoked you with his articles when this year’s global-warming induced mild winter prevented the rink from turning icy. And yes, $50,000 is a lot of money to spend on a novelty item. But two years ago the rink was incredible! It was splendid! Triple Axels and double toe loops galore.
Admitted students swoon and send rejection letters to Yale when they hear about the rink. As far as the cost goes, what’s a few thousand dollars considering how much more alumni who experienced the rink will donate? If finances are tight, admit two more students if you have to. The ice rink is a great way to hedge against a cold winter. Warm winter = happy students. Cold winter + skating rink = happy students. It’s a win-win proposition, especially since KC won’t be here next year to write.
Dean Kagan, this school is in danger of slipping to number 4 in the US News and World Report. No expense should be spared in preserving the legacy and reputation of this institution. No expense must be spared in this valuable tribute to your dedication to improving student life at the law school. Even if only one student skates, for only one day, is that student’s joy not worth all the money in the world? After all, that student is part of the entire student body at Harvard Law School, the great metropolis of law schools. We have won, and the competition is over, as you famously told us in September. Let us now enjoy our well-deserved spoils: a rink and free rental skates.
The Record urges all law students to take a few moments out of their busy schedule and let Dean Kagan know how important the ice rink was to your lives. Send her an email, stop by her office, or tattoo the rink on your bare chest. Rise up and make your voices heard so that we can turn back this awful decree! In the alternative, can we get a ski slope complete with a ski lift? Perhaps in front of Langdell?
One member of The Record staff wants it to be known that the three happiest days of his life were those when he was finally allowed to jump onto the ice and chase a rubber puck. It is in the best interest of the Law School that he be happy.