Student shocked to find that there aren’t enough Advisors


A student Thursday was stunned when she found that she was not able to get her hands on a copy of the Advisor. Copies of Volume 29 of school’s newsletter ran out around two o’clock in the afternoon, before many students were able to get their own copy.

“I was absolutely horrified when I saw that there were not any more copies,” Laural Firestone said. “Reading the Advisor is vital to surviving at Harvard. Did you know that the school’s handbook makes reading the Advisor mandatory?”

This was the 50th time in as many issues that there have not been enough copies of the Advisor to meet demand. President Summers said that he was aware of the problem. “Trust me, there are people working overtime to ensure that the information gets to the people,” he said.

Dean of Students Suzanne Richardson, however, contradicted Summers.

“This is really all part of a larger conspiracy. We’re trying to sneak things past students by requiring that they read the Advisor but not producing enough copies,” she said.

Richardson added that she doubted the shortage of Advisors would be remedied anytime soon. “It is available online,” she said.

“Oh, I know it’s online, but every time I try to access it I have to put in a password. No one ever gave me the Advisor password. Why do you need a password to access the Advisor anyway? Is it classified? Is Yale going to read it and figure out how they can become No. 3 in U.S. News and World Reports?” Firestone said.

Some students said that they were not upset that their was not enough copies of the Advisor.

“I think Firestone should just stop whining,” 3L Bobby Klinck said. “Seriously. We all knew we were coming to a competitive school when we decided to go here. If she can’t get a copy of the Advisor in time, too bad for her.”

Still, Firestone remains defiant.

“We may not have actual advisors at this school, so we should at least have enough copies of the Advisor,” she said.

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