Nesson does nothing of interest

BY RECORD STAFF

In a move clearly destined not to rankle Dean Clark or cement his reputation as Harvard Law School’s most controversial professor, Charles “Eon” Nesson completed a calm, uneventful week today.

“I’ve been working very hard at the Berkman Center, of course, and … teaching my Torts class,” Nesson reported, without a hint of mischief in his tone. “I also sent a copy of my journal to the Washington Post, as usual, but like I say … things have been pretty slow.”

The interview with Nesson was the fourth in as many days by the RECORD’s Owen Alterman, who has been assigned to monitor the professor full-time for signs of marijuana-induced wackiness.

“Usually he’ll go off on some tirade about the need to distribute mp3’s of his Jamaican smoke-out sessions to every member of the faculty, and/or Dean Clark’s mother,” Alterman said of his subject. “But this week … nothing, really. He went shoe shopping, and cleaned his gutters.”

When pressed further, Alterman also listed the names of several television dating programs Nesson had admitted to watching.

Harvard Law students expressed astonishment over Nesson’s failure to produce bizarre antics for their amusement.

“Clearly he’s not teaching, so he must be up to something,” quipped 2L Eugene Mar, to the half-hearted chuckles of fellow students.

Classmate Kristy Till-man added, “Who will we laugh about now, Harvey Mansfield?? Totally un-funny.”

Others were quick to defend the former Sears prize winner.

“Man, Nesson is on such another level altogether, that even by doing nothing, it should be obvious that he is pointing out the inadequacy and absurdity of bourgeois status-quo … er … nothing-doing,” offered 3L Ian Hummel.

Despite the prevailing mood of disappointment, Nesson reiterated his inability to change the situation.

“Sorry, Owen,” he said. “I know this is important to you guys, but sometimes a guy just has a slow week … If it helps, I can try doubly hard to freak you out next week.”

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