In war of words, HLS professors follow Kennedy’s example

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Taking a cue from colleague Randall Kennedy, other HLS professors have decided to tackle the words that have troubled their people for years.

“This word has been used to denigrate my people in popular media for the last fifty years!” said troubled Prof. Luigi Consigliani. “I decided to write ‘Wop’ to decode the myths about this offensive word. Do you know it used to mean, ‘Shaken, not stirred’ until the Northern Europeans got to it? Huh? Betcha didn’t.”

Noting the subtlety and simplicity of the offensive appellation adorning Kennedy’s book, most professors say they instead opted to put their book titles in large letters on the cover without any sub-headings at all to maximize the words’ impact. All professors agreed that by publishing them in big, bold letters on the front of their books, they would undoubtedly decrease the words’ popularity.

Professor Jon Hanson, a well-known radical, said he hopes to dispel the negative stereotypes of modern-day liberals.

“I’m sick of the people screaming out, ‘damn hippie’ at me every time I go into the Whole Foods Market,” Hanson said, weeping. “The negative connotations of that word are clearly constructions of the people in power. In my personal universe, ‘hippie’ refers to the beauty of a full-figured woman, and dammit, that’s how everybody ought to see it!”

Prof. Charles Fried said conservatives don’t have it any better.

“Who ever said ‘fascist’ ought to be a bad word?” the former Reagan Solicitor General asked. “I mean, sure, there was Hitler and Mussolini and all that, but look at all the good my people did the U.S. government in the ’80s! And then there’s our fantastic Supreme Court! My book will certainly make it clear to all doubters that we don’t deserve such a bad rap.”

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